I don’t see this as having been a perfect day. In fact, it would be far easier to look at what was left undone,
laundry unfolded, projects, conversations unfinished, kisses ungiven.
But these were the seconds of the hours of the years I spent doing what we’re all doing – Doing my best to be faithful with the opportunity I’ve been given. And so like a stone into the sea, I throw myself, the all of me into each moment, hoping and praying and trusting for ripples to extend and reach and multiply, and join into what is far greater than me.
Because for years now I’ve grown up in this space, journaling my motherhood from the start. I’ve grappled through words with what it means and how it looks to live out this title. Mother.
I’ve watched many a woman, spoken to their strength and beauty many a time.
But this year, one year achier, one year more renewed, one year wiser and, yes a couple first gray hairs, I find myself stepping back, humbled,
realizing the “why” is more than just “because we are mothers.”
“When I was an infant, at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant.
When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. We don’t see things clearly yet. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then…
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us towards that consummation:
Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly…
Go after a life of love as if your life depended on it- because it does.
Give yourself to the gifts God gives you.”
1 Corinthians 13-14.
The why is more than cute, it’s a calling.
The why is more than giggles, it’s a gift.
The why is more than first steps, it’s stewardship.
The why is more than watching them grow, it’s something bigger than ourselves.
And what I’ve watched in mothers around me, I wanted to reflect on myself,
I wanted to weigh my own heart,
on a normal day without sun or planned magic,
to step back and observe the heat and sacrifice of my own daily.
See I feel like I’m entering, so slightly, but so surely into the a new stage of mothering.
As my days of diapering are still prevalent but waning, and while crying is still present, conversations are constant.
And while still calling on all of my physical strength and energy, this season is gradually requiring more of the all of my heart and mind.
I’ll be the first to admit it’s daunting and I simply never feel enough for this invitation.
But we are not the first to walk any road. All our burdens have been borne before.
And so I spent a day documenting my own motherhood as it feels, as it is today.
Unplanned except for our routine. Our normal.
This is my own Motherhood film.
So for me this project was a creation of humbled thanksgiving,
made in the process of the heat of days unmarked by momentous, specific accomplishment.
And while this film doesn’t tell it all, it tells a lot
of how I’m trusting God steadily in the mundane,
hoping unswerving for his faithfulness despite my shortcomings
and going extravagantly after a life full of the love I’ve been loved by.
And what a gift this is.
Because whether it’s completing the home study, pouring heart and soul into the child you’ve not yet known or bringing young ones into your home until they can feel safe again, or treating the neighbor boy like your own or changing diapers or or maintaining the curfew or shopping for prom dresses or planning the wedding or hosting the baby shower or tending to the grandchildren despite the age and gray that have overtaken the body,
in motherhood we’re joining in the nurturing, the tenderness of the Father.
And thus as an artist, I can’t help but believe that there would be something great to be gleaned by stepping back and creating monument of sorts to the sacrifice of this season.
So I’d love to do it all again.
And by love, I mean, my heart is aching for what is real.
Because other mothers need to see the sheen of the flame of the fire they’re so fiercely living in, shining through as gold.
Because waking at dawn and walking the dog and bus stops and school drop-offs and going to the pool and cheering for soccer and shopping for groceries and baking the cookies and doing the laundry and bathing the baby and practicing the piano and pushing the playground swing and building the science projects and kissing goodnight,
your story, my story, motherhood’s story
it’s all the story of being faithful with entrusted souls.
And creating a capsule of sorts of one day from this year
might be a part of journaling the hard, the messy of what is incomplete now
and how it is made beautiful.
The Motherhood Project
may be my way of etching the words of your very own heart.
Please message me for more information on creating your own Motherhood Project film.
allisoncorrin at gmail dot com